I woke up this morning filled with agitation.
I didn’t realize it at first, not until I started interacting with the world did I realize my general impatience with it.
The days leading up to my period are often filled with chaotic internal energy. My hormones are playing badminton inside me, and the tension builds in my chest, getting warm, expansive, explosive.
As someone more prone to depression than anxiety, I struggle to know what to do with excess energy in my body.
So I cry. Not a lot all in one go but in little bursts, when the tension becomes too strong to hold in.
The Five of Wands speak to this tension, this internal conflict that often translates to external struggles.
The reversed Six of Wands offers insight into how to treat this state of agitation: connect with my inner child, let her be free.
Return to a state of curiosity, work with the energy, learn how to move it around, giving it direction.
The child does not have to justify herself with words, she does not have to name the experience, create a story about it, she simply needs to feel it, without judgment or restriction.
And so I cry. And I allow myself to be seen.
I let the experience of being a human unfold in a way that is subtly exciting.
I remember to move my body.
I remember to look my partner in the eyes.
I remember that life is a mystery, and there’s so much more to be discovered.
And I breathe. And I sigh. And once again, I cry. ❤