i stare at her

her belly sewn shut

her womanhood removed

of course she is still a woman

as much as before

but i have this sense

this nagging sense

of having robbed her

of something which

we’re told

is the most natural

because what is more natural

than a woman bearing children?

it is put on a pedestal

unlike men

who are not pigeon-holed

who are so much more than their semen

and yet

at times

i wonder

if i’m much more than my “womb”

she has no idea what’s been taken from her

how could she?

she’s a cat

there is no telling her

no asking her opinion on the matter

no musing about what her meaning of life is

because life is now simply existing

she has been liberated

from the demand

put on her by nature

to be a “vessel”

it’s obvious why i care

why taking this from her gives me pause

i stare at my own stomach

flat and uncut

and i wonder

will my choice to not

always leave me feeling…

incomplete

i’ve had moments

more than one

in which i thought

could it be?

could i join the long history of women

who fulfilled their purpose

but it never was

and the feeling was always the same:

relief

we childless women tell ourselves

that we are above society’s expectations

but how could i not question

every now and then

staring my precious little cat

that has joined the club of spinsters

did i get something wrong?

why is it that my cat has more freedom than i do?

why is it that my choice is political

and hers is.. expected

no one wants a neighborhood full of loose cats

but loose children..

that’s another story

when do people stop being sacred?

when do little girls become vessels?

when do women lose their shine?

when will i believe that merely existing is more than enough?