there is so much power we’ve been robbed of

Up until about a year ago, I saw being a woman as a disadvantage in life and society. It was an aspect of me that subconsciously I’d spent my life denying. My womanhood, my inconsistencies from day-to-day, my insistent emotions that wouldn’t just stfu, felt like weaknesses.

I was so in denial of my womanhood that I spent long periods in my late 20s not getting my period.

At first, I was worried I might be pregnant. But over time, it became clear that this was a pattern in my body. And I didn’t understand it. I tried to solve it through modern medicine, taking progesterone to jump-start my period, but this would only help for a month and then I’d return to my no-period life.

I can remember vividly the shift that occurred that brought my period back. I started reading a book by Alisa Vitti about cycle syncing, which is syncing your lifestyle with your monthly cycle (which is broken into 4 phases, like the seasons or the moon).

I spent a day devouring that book and the message behind it, wondering why it was that at the age of 28 I was finally learning about my body and how it works.

I began eating in ways suggested by the book to aid my cycle.

And I’m not even exaggerating when I say that within a matter of days of falling into this new way of thinking and living, I got my period. After almost a year of being without it.

It was… astounding. Part of me wanted to believe it was merely a coincidence but another part of me knew that in fully accepting my womanhood, I welcomed my period back into my life.

But here’s the kicker: there’s a chapter at the end of that book about embracing your divine womanhood and connecting with it. Alisa mentions that this part is as important as the lifestyle changes, but you know what? I never read it. I couldn’t go there.

I could accept the physical reality of my womanhood but not the spiritual side.

I couldn’t yet believe that my femininity could be a source of power. So I continued to lean into masculine takes on spirituality for over a year.

And through this lens of masculine spirituality, I used it to deny the beauty and power of what being a woman meant, what it could give me and the world.

It wasn’t until I participated in a feminine-inclined spiritual ceremony that I truly opened up to the Divine Feminine. It was a slow process, gradual. I knew I needed joy in my life, and the path of the Divine Feminine was the one presented to me as the antidote.

I began reading blog posts, listening to talks, engaging with womxn leaders who embodied feminine power, and slowly, it began to evolve inside me.

I learned about the spiritual side of cycle syncing, the ways in which we are open to certain elements of healing and understanding depending on where we are in our cycle. And it’s been… transformative. To not only let go of shame but to reclaim the power that so many of us have been denied.

What makes me sad is not just all the womxn who have been denied this but all the men-identifying folks who have been shut off from the power of the DF. Because the feminine side of spirituality is not specific to gender or identity, it’s for all of us. It is what has taught me to embrace my messiness, my darkness, my deep, rich, raw emotions.

As a society, we’re doing a disservice to everyone when we deny the power of embracing every aspect of being human, and the feminine side is just as worthy as the masculine of recognition and appreciation.

This society that we live in that’s in excess of masculine energy is so obviously suffering because of it. We’re so obsessed with productivity, we’ve lost the ability to simply be. We walk around wearing masks that hide our true emotions. Crying is seen as weakness. Emotions are treated as something to overcome.

Fuck. That. Fuck all of that. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. This is my prayer for society. That we learn how fucked all of that is.

I’m not here on a mission to try to convince everyone to embrace their feminine side, because I have no idea how to even do that. I can only speak to my experience, which is that I feel so much more beautiful, vibrant and magical now that I have. I’m much kinder to myself, less rigid and more compassionate to all beings.

I feel more powerful. I feel comforted to know that I don’t need to or am supposed to be the same version of myself everyday. That I am always in flux, that my body is an active, living thing that is constantly going through cycles.

And I am so fucking happy that I no longer buy into the idea of some guy in the sky telling me what to do.

Maybe this sounds like some New Age/feminist/whatever-bullshit-word-you-want-to-use kind of thinking. But I don’t care. Because if you can’t accept what I’m saying, that’s okay. We’ve been brainwashed to believe that owning femininity (no matter your gender) is either shameful or merely performative, so I see you. I’ve been you. For almost my entire life. And I will not tell you that whatever you think or believe is wrong or bad. I can simply present you another option and leave it to you to do what you want with it.

Learning to cry has become a core part of my Divine Feminine practice. And let me tell you, it’s really hard.

And my period still feels like an inconvenience at times when I’m busy and need to be on my A-game of productivity.

It’s only through continuing to encounter other folks who have embraced their DF side that I am reminded how much it matters, how empowering it is and how much I want it.

I recognize it in people immediately now, the life that’s been given back to them by embracing the wholeness of their humanity, the parts that society taught us to deny.

I have no point here but to confess and express hope. Hope that the ripple effects of this reclamation continue to touch the lives of those who need it most. And that we all learn how to cry, individually and collectively. To mourn what has been lost and find the power that resides within all of us waiting to be seen, felt, embraced, loved, nurtured, held and fucking celebrated ❤

A reluctant optimist, I use writing to talk myself down from the perpetual threat of existential crises. https://beckitabrown.tumblr.com/ https://w